The Tiny Corners Journal

Welp, we’re half-way in to the first month of the new year, and I have a few projects brewing.

(These are in addition to my standard New Year’s resolutions - keep the house tidier, spend less money, exercise, be more present.  Hrm…).

Anyway, here are the fun things I hope to do this year:

• Cook more.  I already “cook” a fair amount, but I would like to cook more from scratch and less from a box.  My inspiration?  Alton Brown.  Over the past few months, I have been able to acquire his three Good Eats cookbooks (and yes, I know, I could find the recipes for free on the web - but I love the tactile feel to the books) mostly by using my Amazon rewards points.  The first book I bought at the Tennessee Aquarium - and it was signed! (!!!)  Anyway, I’m developing a spreadsheet of recipes I would like to try this year - mostly from Alton, but with others thrown in from additional cookbooks already on hand.  Maybe I’ll even blog these attempts…kind of like Julie & Julia, except…not.  I hope to include the kids in this venture as much as possible, as I’ve learned each of them like cooking with me, and that’s kinda awesome.
• Continue to build an arsenal of kitchen implements for my cooking endeavors.  Friends in the past have gifted me some awesome equipment, but I want more.  That probably sounds awful, but I can’t help it.  I want to learn!  I want to try new things!  Alton Brown and/or my own previous cooking attempts might or might not influence me on this, but again, I will be hoarding my Amazon points for fun things such as meat grinders, ricers, pizza peels and electric griddles.  Eeee!  Exciting!  (Really!)!
• Have a real bedroom. (Finally - no Alton references!).  Right now, my bedroom still has the glow-in-the-dark stars and hanging planets left behind by the previous residents (my bedroom is one of the “kid” bedrooms).  I actually don’t mind the stars…they’re nice to look up to at night, but I would really like to have an adult bedroom complete with color schemes and pictures on the walls and all that.  So, I’m planning to plop down some non-Amazon cash for a bucket of paint, and come spring break, will tear the room apart.  I wish I could do it right now, but it makes me happy and excited to have something for which I can look forward.
• Take, and post, more pictures. This part doesn’t feel fun to me right now, but I’m hopeful if I go through the motions I’ll eventually feel “it” again.  Perhaps the above projects will help me with that.  At the least, I would like to be more faithful to my one-a-day picture posting regimen.
• Dress like an adult. Of all my projects, I honestly care the least about this, which is good as it would be the largest financial hog.  I would, however, like to be able to attend a work meeting in something other than old corduroys or the skirt I wore three times last week.  I am very much fashionably inept (and financially limited), so I think this project will be a slow, ongoing endeavor.  But it’s still something I will work on this year.
• Hope. Hee…I hope to hope more in 2012, because even silly little unrealized hopes can change our paths.  You never know what hope - or providence - will bring.  You can look back and connect the dots in your life which have come to pass, but you just can’t know what the dots in front of you might mean (Thanks, Craig) — even if they’re silly little hopes.  So, I choose to hope.  Really, I couldn’t live without it.

So that’s my look at the upcoming year.  A nice mix, I think.

Tomorrow?  Meatloaf and brined fingerling potatoes (except I couldn’t find fingerlings, so baby golds will have to do).

A post I wrote back in November but didn’t publish (until now):

I spent some time tonight missing my friend GAC.  Part of it is November in and of itself, and part of it is the resurrection of the ‘tumor.  With missing GAC and the heyday of the old ‘tumor, I also miss the simplicity of all our lives back then.  That be dust in the wind, tho, and while those times have and deserve my heart and my respect, it isn’t something on which I often dwell.

Except in November.  I always miss my friend, but especially in November.  It’s odd the best Thanksgiving I ever had was just days after her death.  Every other Thanksgiving I have attended or hosted before or since then have been events constructed to follow the expected patterns of food, family, entertainment.  That Thanksgiving, nearly 5 years ago now, many of us were so painfully thankful for everything, because we had an acute awareness of  how insanely quick everything can pass.

We were all grieving and likely still in complete shock, but there was this palpable sense of joy (?) all the same, at least for me.  We sat, as friends and family and strangers, at long tables pushed together - sharing our food, our sorrow, our lives.

I’ve been thinking about Jim Henson a lot lately.  It started with a Speech assignment:  we had to speak to inform.  One suggestion was to inform the class about someone famous, and Jim instantly jumped to mind.  He’s one of my heroes — long before I ever knew it.

This is what I said in my speech:

A giant, yellow, flightless bird. A creature who looks like a banana with a unibrow. An amphibian with a collar, and the pig who loves him. These are just a few of the Muppets created by one of my heroes, Jim Henson. Some of my earliest memories are of Jim Henson’s handiwork: from Sesame Street to the Muppet Show, my childhood was filled the images and sounds of dozens of Jim’s endearing creations. As an adult, I continue to marvel at both his Muppets and his general outlook on life. Jim Henson was an accomplished and critically acclaimed artist and performer, and although he died relatively young, his vision lives. Today, I’d like to tell you a little about Jim –his career’s early beginnings, several decades of successful TV programs and movies, and how his legacy is carried on today.

Jim was born on September 24, 1936 in Mississippi. His family moved to Maryland in the 1940’s, where he would attend high school and later, college. Jim’s first experience with puppeteering came in high school when he began operating puppets on a Washington DC Saturday morning television program. In 1955, while he was still in college, he was given a twice-daily 5 minute show called “Sam and Friends”, which aired for six years on NBC affiliate WRC-TV. One of the main characters on the show was a lizard-like creature who would later become Kermit the Frog. Not only did he gain an Emmy Award for this show, but his assistant puppeteer on Sam and Friends, Jane Nebel, would one day become his wife and mother to their 5 children.

After the success of Sam and Friends, Jim’s progress in the entertainment world slowed for a few years but never stopped. Jim and his Muppets appeared on a variety of television programs such as the Ed Sullivan Show and Jimmy Dean Show, and Muppets began to pop up in dozens of commercials. Jim’s big break came in the late 60’s, when he was approached to create Muppets for a new television show called Sesame Street. The show’s iconic characters such as Big Bird, Oscar the Grouch and Bert & Ernie, helped to make the program a fantastic success and led to numerous more Emmys and other awards for Jim and his company, Muppets, Inc. Despite these accomplishments, Jim couldn’t find financial backing in the US for his new show – The Muppet Show – so in 1975 he moved his creative team to England, where he had financial support. Filming began in 1976. With Kermit the Frog as the host and a support cast of dozens of other unforgettable Muppets such as Miss Piggy, Fozzy Bear and Beaker, The Muppet Show enjoyed 5 wonderful seasons and ended in 1981.

During the time the Muppet Show was still being produced, Jim entered the world of movie-making. Several very successful Muppet movies were made, and Jim collaborated with George Lucas to create Yoda for The Empire Strikes Back. In 1982, Jim co-wrote, co-directed and performed in The Dark Crystal, which wasn’t a huge financial or critical success, but showed a progression in Jim’s work with the medium. Jim said of the movie, “With The Dark Crystal, instead of puppetry we’re trying to go toward a sense of realism - toward a reality of creatures that are actually alive.” In 1986, Jim’s movie Labyrinth opened, and while it was also not successful at the time, it later grew to become a cult classic. In between movies and up until his last days, Jim continued to work in television, creating several programs such as Fraggle Rock, Muppet Babies and The Storyteller, which were all well received by both audiences and critics.

In 1990, at the age of 53, Jim Henson died suddenly from complications of bacterial pneumonia. Thousands attended his funeral, including many of his Muppet characters. No one was allowed to wear black, and the service featured numerous upbeat musical performances – even the theme to Sesame Street, “Sunny Day.” But even after Jim’s death, his work went on. Additional Muppet specials were produced over the years, and the full-length movie Muppets from Space was released in 1999. Innovative new series are still being developed by The Jim Henson Company. Sesame Street continues to thrive and the characters from the Muppet Show refuse to step out of the spotlight. To that end, this Thanksgiving we will get to see our dear Muppet friends on the big screen once again with the release of Disney’s “The Muppets.”

Jim’s career as a puppeteer began early and blossomed over more than three decades of television and movies. Even after his death, his characters live on. He led an extraordinary and all-too-brief life – he was a visionary artist whose accomplishments were well-loved by audiences and critics and left a lasting legacy for us all. Jim once said, “When I was young, my ambition was to be one of the people who made a difference in this world. My hope is to leave the world a little better for having been there.” As we look back on his life and career, I think it’s safe to say he reached that ambition.

It’s an ok speech; it didn’t really capture what Muppets mean to me - the conclusion isn’t strong and in general, it’s just not my best (though I’ll get my grade on Tuesday, so who knows?!).  My job was to inform, not to gush over Jim Henson & the Muppets; I don’t know if I swayed one way or another. I just know I really, really appreciate Jim, and I’m pretty sure that didn’t come out (in its entirety) through my speech.  I…don’t know how to express it.  I think we’ve all had this feeling before, about one thing or another.

…

Anyway…

On Saturday, we (the kids & I, along with some friends) went to see the new Disney-fangled Muppet Movie.  It was Jim’s intention to sell the rights to the Muppets shortly (uh — days!) before  his death, so I do understand this transition…but…but…it’s Disney…<insert seed of doubt>…

But they got it.  They Got It.  I obviously never knew Jim, and don’t know much about him as a person other than his characters and what wikipedia and henson.com have presented.  Yet I was delighted at how this new movie captured the feel of the Muppets.  I cried.  A lot.  I missed my childhood and the simplicity of joy the Muppet Show brought me when I wasn’t even old enough to know much of anything.

I don’t know if the Muppets will ever have the same kind of meaning for my kids or others in their generation.  That’s ok.  I’m just happy they still make me laugh, and that my kids can sing “Mahna Mahna” with the best of them.  Thanks, Jim.

Last night I dreamed I was grilling meat, which is a fairly common waking-life event for me.  But in the dream, I was grilling for a large group of people in a strange place.  I remember grilling cuts of beef and chicken; there was a particular cut of beef which had a large black, bruised area — I tried to ask someone about it but my question was never heard.  The real strangeness came when I realized one of the cuts of meat was actually me - I was cooking myself!  I found it to be an abhorrent idea to eat my own flesh, but couldn’t tell it apart from the other cuts of meat.

And it’s funny - while being anxious about the possibility of eating myself, I neglected to notice I was quite intact - no missing limbs, muscles, etc.

So alright, my zero+ — interpretations?

I had this dream last night.  It was one of those very long, drawn out dreams - it seemed to last forever and jumped back and forth on the brief stepping stones of wakefulness throughout the night.

I have several varieties of recurring dreams.  I used to (and rarely still do) dream of the ocean.  At some point I began to dream of cities - usually New York but sometimes Chicago or others.  In the past couple years, I have dreamed of Williamsburg.  I am usually lost in my city dreams, searching and climbing open-air white staircases, or wandering unknown streets.  I am lost and seeking my friends.  The Williamsburg dreams generally include my Dad in some way, and I am always trying to get to the colonial parts before they close down for the night.  Old Navy has had more than a few cameos in my WBG dreams.  Heh.

Last night’s dream is still a bit jumbled.  I distinctly remember the main part, but the edges are fuzzy.  I was away from home, on a trip with friends.  It was a mesh of all three dream themes, but entirely different.  We were cooking for each other, and that was very important for me in the dream.  But there were tunnels to navigate — not necessarily dark or eerie, but child-tunnels — the kind you see kids happily climb through in city playgrounds.

In a particularly open and colorful part of a tunnel, I was pulled aside and kissed by a man who in waking life I once had an interest; an interest that was not reciprocated.  In the dream, he said, “Ask me any question, and I will answer.”  But I stumbled with words, though I knew I only wanted to ask “Why now?  Why here?  Why not then?”  So I was quiet, but we continued through the tunnel as a couple, and when we emerged we held hands and worked on plans to cook for our friends.  Lasagna, maybe?  I almost recall something like that.

…

I do love dreaming, and I do love to attempt to interpret dreams.  It was a beautiful and vibrant dream - joyous, even; but when I awoke and realized it wasn’t reality, I began to feel bitter and alone.  These feelings have clouded my head all day in not so pleasant ways.

I have been feeling especially lonely lately.  I dislike saying that; it pisses me off.  I am stubborn and want to be independent.  I don’t want to want the feel of another’s lips on mine to be the thing that puts me at ease.  But sometimes I *do* want that - need it even - despite all I’ve heard about how one should be happy in being alone in order to be happy with another.

…

Sigh.  And smile.  Writing about it to the zero+ people who actually read this has helped me.  Yes, I’m lonely as hell, frustrated and…scared.  But it’s good to talk.  And especially to talk about this dream, which has stayed with me today, for the good or the bad.

I really, truly love taking pictures of people.  It digs into a part of me no other medium can dig.  I’m not trying to be pretentious — really — there’s  something to taking portraits I just love.  I love…people.

And sometimes that lends me to being in over my head, as I have 1 hour and 7 minutes to finish processing a wedding.  A wedding which occurred two months ago, and for which I was paid.  Ugh!

I love it.  I love people.  I do not love being responsible for pictures.

I stepped back in time –

lilac, irises, boxwood.

This was once my home.

The Quiet brings a

clarity of thought unknown

to my everyday

…

I can let it out

and the Quiet doesn’t mind

We are quite a pair!

Stuck in the middle

Half of each but not a whole

Consarned genetics